A break from social media is kind of weird for me.
My friends and family are used to me posting almost daily on Facebook and Instagram. I usually post about my adventures, reminders to be thankful and live a positive life, and post inspirational and honest videos about my life on my stories. I felt like one of my purposes was to share and spread love and light to those around me. Continue reading “Why I took time off from Social Media…” →
I am writing a letter to my ex(es) because this is the only way I know how to express myself, the only way I can let go of whatever feelings, emotions, fears, anxieties that I am holding inside.
I’ve been more open to my friends and family about my past relationships but this “letter” will probably one of the most open and vulnerable post I have written. It’s been heavy on my heart, and I’ve had this feeling of not being able to move on with my life and I believe that part of it could have to do that I’m still holding on to my exes.
I was talking to one of my roommates the other day and I truthfully told him there’s not one day that goes by that I do not think about them. I don’t love them and I am not in love with them but they are still there and I can’t get them out of my head. I asked him if thought that was weird? And what he said next, surprised me.
“No, I don’t think that’s weird at all.” He went on to say that “society” tells us that it’s unacceptable to talk or think about our past relationships when in reality, it’s truly okay. Why should we ever be ashamed to talk about a part of our life?
These past relationships were part of my life, I can’t erase, forget, or get rid of, it’s part of me. It would be like asking me to go buy my favorite book and tear a few chapters out from it. That book is torn, its ugly, and it’s incomplete; there’s not story there anymore. No matter how hard I try, those chapters in my life are part of what made me who I am today.
So I write a letter, to be honest, to be real. This letter is dedicated to all of you…
To my Ex(es):
For the longest time I kept you a secret, I forbid myself to talk to anyone about you. I didn’t think you deserved to know the emotions, the pain, and the heartbreak I went through. I held so much anger, hate, jealously, sadness inside of me. And for that I am sorry.
I will never know why we caused each other that amount of pain, when we could have easily ended it. Maybe it was the fear of the unknown. We were best friends and how was I suppose to tell my best friend in the entire world that I wasn’t in love with him, that I didn’t love him the way I used to. Instead we both stayed; we stayed through all the lies, the cheating, the betrayal, the verbal abuse, the anger.
You may have caused me pain but you also brought happiness, joy, laughter and faith into my life. I now know what butterflies feel like, I know the feeling of completeness when holding someone’s hand, I’ve felt my heart skip a beat and for that I am thankful. There are people out there that long for these forms of affection and I never want to take those moments for granted. Thank you for listening to me go on and on for hours about who knows what, thank you making laugh until I couldn’t breathe, and thank you for loving me the best you could.
God, the universal, or whatever entity you now believe in knew that we weren’t meant to be together and deep in our hearts we knew it too. But I want you to know that I do not regret one day with you. The emotions you put me through were some of the absolute worse in my life but I survived. You also made my heart feel overwhelmed with love and affection, a feeling I hope to find again some day.
My story would not be the same if it wasn’t for you. The love, the strength, the power, part of who I am today is because you walked in and out of my life. I’ve learned to have a voice, to be tough, to be vulnerable, to love myself, and to even have faith in God.
I may not be in love with you but I once loved you and I love that you were in my life. I am not afraid to tell you that I still think about you from time to time. You were once “the love of my life”, my everything, my best friend. Our relationship was real, it was true but like everything in life, it had its expiration date.
From the bottom of my heart, I want you to know that I only desire happiness for all of you. I pray that you have blessed marriages/relationships. I hope that you find the love we once had but times 100 and it leaves you speechless but feeling like you want to scream at the top of your lungs with joy. It actually makes me smile thinking about you finding that type of love.
I hope that you live and love life to the fullest and that you choose to do good in this world. Just know you’ll always have someone cheering you on from this side of the screen.
Your friend,
Karina
If you don’t own a journal, go buy one now! Or at least after you read this blog.
I know everyone doesn’t like writing.But I love it even though I’m not a journalist and I don’t write very well. Since January, I’ve been through two journals and I have been writing almost every single day, I may skip a couple of days but not much more than that. There was once I did not write for about three or four days and I began to feel anxious.
Why do I journal?
For those who don’t know me, I have trouble expressing myself to others. Whenever I have a conversation with people I tend to speak in a way that just seems I am spitting out facts and it’s hard for me to show any emotion. But when I write, I am able to express myself in ways I can’t in real life. Whatever I’m keeping inside, I let it out when my pen touches the paper. It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I’m starting to be more open with others but when I feel like I can’t be or when I think others don’t care to listen, that’s when I write. I’m not afraid to express myself on paper or even on my blog. But when it comes to people I tend to shut down. Sometimes I am scared of being vulnerable in front of others.
I’ve been writing since I can remember.
As a little girl, I was the only one that would write paragraphs in everyone’s birthday cards and I would take up a good amount of space signing my classmate’s yearbooks. I would write what happened each day in my Winnie the Pooh journal. I also remember writing a few poems and very, very short stories.
When and where do I write?
I usually only write in the early mornings, I rarely write at night. Here’s why. Most people who write at night tend to write about everything that happened that day and are most likely to have negative feelings whereas people that write in the morning have had time to “sleep on it” and process the previous day. So they are likely to be more positive early in the morning. I tend to write downstairs on my couch as the sun is rising or sometimes I even go to the park during the day to get a bit of fresh air.
Now I’m guessing you’re wondering what the heck I write about.
Well, I write anything and everything. Whatever idea, thought, feeling comes to my mind, I write it down.
Things I write about:
When I write I am able to relax, it makes me happy, and it’s just part of who I am. The thing that excites me the most is that in a few years I can just grab one of my journals, open it up and read about how far I’ve gone in my life journey. It will be my own little story.
It might sound silly but my journal has been there through thick and thin. When I first fell in love and when I went through my first heartbreak, and my second, and my third. It was there during any big events and even the small ones. It’s the one thing that has captured most of my life and even better, it was from my perspective.
After realizing how much I enjoy writing, I decided to add a couple of things to my bucket list. First one is to take a writing class to improve my writing skills. Second, I want to eventually write a book. Never in a million years would I have thought I ever wanted to write a book!! But here I am, making it part of my dream.
A few tips for those wanting to write:
If you are wondering why I don’t just have an electronic journal. Well, I like pen and paper, that’s just my preference.
Have a wonderful day, beautiful people. I hope that you are able to express your this week through words, writing, drawing, or any other talent you have been blessed with. I love you all.
