How do you know if a friendship “ended”? Does one break up with the other?
Do friends just grow apart? If so, does that consider the friendship as “ended”?
When friends say they reconnected, was there an actual moment that they disconnected?
My friend Shaina said the other night that friendships are like relationships, they can be as intimate as romantic relationships. Friends usually feel safe and tell each other everything, maybe even things or “secrets” that they wouldn’t tell their partners. And most of the time they can just be themselves. That’s super intimate and amazing and just sacred to have or experience.
I’ve been feeling nostalgic and many people that I used to be closed to have crossed my mind and I have just been wondering and been intrigued of how friends just “grow apart” but romantic relationships need an end, a break up to feel, I’m not sure… complete, to feel like you know what’s going on.
I guess what I am saying, it kind of feels a bit confusing to think back of friends I’ve had great times with and then one day you realize you haven’t talked in months and that you don’t have much that aligns anymore.
I wanted to share my experience because I have been learning of honoring the energy and not judging it (but I’m me and I get in my head sometimes). A perfect example was with my friends Shaina and Kevin that happened several months ago. We used to hang out with them AT least once a week maybe more. Then there was one week when we didn’t hang out and it was cool, the second week came around, Joey and I were cool but by the end of the week this thought of “omg, they don’t like us anymore came up”. Week three came around and we may have texted them and I think Kevin said that they wanted their alone time or he said “we will hang when they energy calls for it.” and again I got in my head and all this shit came up that it was our fault for what was going on. Then week four came and I chatted with a friend because I was feeling sad, upset, angry, confused and it was interesting to be aware of it.
LOL I remember being mad or thinking it was going to be weird when we saw them again. They invited us over for a pool day and we went and it was all normal. They told us how a lot of shit was coming up for them, they were doing lots of internal work and that they needed space to allow that to come up. A couple weeks later we actually even chatted about following the energy and not judging it and we talked about the time we didn’t see each other for a month and how it was nothing personal, it needed to happen. Deep in my spirit I knew that but my ego and my mind were telling me otherwise.
So I started feeling, thinking if I could do this with my friends from high school, college and friends that I’ve met in the last few years. Just knowing that everything is perfect, everything is diving timing, I would actually be in my heart and feeling the love instead of in my mind and worrying.
Yesterday I saw my dear friend Michelle and I thought back how we were acquaintances in high school, she dated one of my really good friends George and once they broke up, I didn’t see her until one day a few years ago I saw her at Whole Foods and I almost didn’t say hi but I did and BOOM, we reconnected and the connection this time is so sacred and intentional. We are definitely soul sisters but we needed to be apart, grow, do our thing and we came back into each other’s lives again.
Then I was also thinking about how when someone or something doesn’t align with me, in a way I release this person or thing and make room for someone or something that does align. It’s nothing personal, it’s just a feeling and also knowing that, that friend or thing I released will also do the same in finding someone that aligns with them. It’s so interesting to me, there have been time were I have taken personal or been hurt but really it’s all perfect because it lead me to where I am know and with the people I vibe with.
I have only ended a friendship once. Well I wouldn’t say ended either, I just asked for space and let me tell you, I was SO SCARED of asking for space and I was surprised but also not, when she said she needed space too and she honored me for speaking up! I honestly didn’t know how long the space would be for. We have crossed paths one, maybe twice since then but I still feel like I need the space. And the amazing thing was when I asked for that space, a soul sister came into my life that I really resonated with, it felt so good to be around this new friend. I saw and felt what it was like to release what didn’t align and see someone enter my life that did.
I will be so honest. Sometimes I get sad and I’m upset that the friends I once spend all my time with, shared so many laughs, fun nights, crazy memories aren’t in my life. I KNOW that I have changed a lot in the last few years and they may not really resonate with me, understand me or who knows AND I know they have changed too. When it comes down to it, I just have a lot of love for them and cherish the times we did spend together.
But I am turning that thought around and viewing this as a blessing. How beautiful is it that we don’t necessarily have to “end” a friendship, we can grow apart and if it’s suppose to happen, we can pick up where we left off! I know my friend Christy and I say that it’s awesome that it feels that way with us because we could go months and months without chatting but when we do chat it feels like we never stopped.
I was wanted to share how THANKFUL and BLESSED I am to have had SO MANY wonderful and beautiful friends in my life. We may not speak anymore (and who knows maybe that will change, I’m totally open to that!) My friends were with me when I’ve been silly and have been silly with me, when I’ve cried from heartache and pain, they’ve held me and cried with me, they’ve heard my stories and experiences, they have done some crazy stupid shit with me, they listened when I needed to be heard.
I also understand if I have stayed friends with EVERYONE I have been friends with… well that would be a lot of people and I know I wouldn’t have the energy to hold space and hang out with all of them. Honestly, I still have a good amount of friends and it’s still overwhelming, I feel like I may forget someone in a text message or sometimes I really don’t have energy to hang out even though I’d like to.
There are friends that I don’t talk anymore with or as much, I still consider them friends, sisters, brothers, they are in my heart. They have been on part of my journey and that is so amazing and the fact that I have been on theirs too, it’s a blessing.
Maybe I am writing this to say that I love you. If you think I don’t think about you… just know you have probably crossed my mind and I have thought of a beautiful memory we have had together and I have missed you. You have probably also made it to my dreams! I have probably wanted to text you to see how you are doing and didn’t, but I hope you got the message in your heart anyway. So yeah, basically I wish I could give you a hug and tell you that I love you and you are awesome.
My main point is that it’s normal for friendships to grow apart and I don’t feel we are taught that or we don’t as a society have conversations around this. Maybe it’s just me but there feels like there’s weird energy around being friends with someone one day and then not feeling as close. Or maybe I just created the feeling in myself, not sure! But here you go, another blog about what going through my mind and my heart and what’s coming up.
It also feels like I am an open channel lately, I have been experiencing and just been inspired to write about it and share.
Like always, I love you.
I wonder if you really think or feel that I love you. Because I do. Or that you even get this far lol. If you did. well I love you. 😉