So this blog, letter, form of expression whatever you’d like to call it after you are done reading this is part of my process in this journey of healing, of consciousness, of community and connectedness.
Before I get started I want to let the readers know that I have been through a huge transformation process, where sometimes things come up that I did not know were bothering me.
So in this process, I allow myself to feel whatever has been presented to me and once I feel , then I take a moment to reflect. When I am writing at times it may seem that I am being the victim, I am blaming others. I am just expressing how it feels and felt inside of me and then I do take accountability that it’s my responsibility how I feel too.
Basically the feelings and thoughts that are coming up are mirrors in front of me that I get to confront within myself.
I guess I wanted to write this because once I moved through the emotions and feelings, and once I took ownership, these realizations came to me and this “Bigger Picture” that I wasn’t aware of when I was working at Chick-Fil-A.
WELL, HERE IT GOES.
I wanted to write this for a few reasons:
I’ve been having dreams of working at Chick-Fil-A or of people I’ve worked with
For those of you who don’t know, I have been having lots of vivid dreams in general and that’s one way I process life. I’ve had several dreams of me working; I am either in the drive-thru area or heading to the back office. I also have a lot of people I have worked with appear in my dreams either we are working together or they are in my other dreams.
You could say that part of me just misses that feeling of interacting with my team, training them, and just bagging the food rapidly and being one of the fast and calmest employees. (In my perspective).
Then another part of me is just wondering why this is all coming up and why these people are showing up. If it feels good, sometimes I will contact those people just to see how they are doing and I believe it’s a message to reach out.
That leads me to my next point
I guess I am a little hurt that no one has really reached out
I wanted to say that some have reached out in their own ways by commenting and liking posts and following my stories on Instagram.
I totally understand life is happening, people are working, they are having kids, and they have families and friends, so I don’t expect everyone to just reach out. Plus, there were SO many people I worked with, I couldn’t possibly reach out to everyone either. Sometimes I wish there could be an easy way to reach out to everyone to let them know I still think of them without feeling obligated or drained too.
I guess this letter is not only to let you know I was hurt but to honestly let you know I still think about all of you and you have a special place in my heart.
I wanted closure?
I don’t really like that word so I will try to explain what I mean by that.
When I was at Chick-Fil-A I truly enjoyed working there and I met SO many people.
So… everyone that has worked there for years or was a Team Leader or Director and either left to go to Corporate or was just leaving in general would have a going away party.
WELL, this is me being a little pouty girl about it saying, I didn’t get one. I was even told by my boss and wife that I would get a lunch with them and I did not get one.
I was a different person back then and I didn’t feel worthy enough to ask for it or remind them, in a way I expected them to do it or for someone to ask about it.
(This feels therapeutic, I am literally crying as I am writing this. I had no idea how emotional this made me feel. This is what healing and releasing could look like).
Anyway, I felt like a lot was going on when I decided to leave and to me it felt like no one cared. And maybe you could also say the way I left or just I leaving in general could have meant the same to my team, that I didn’t care about them and I recognize that.
So this leads to my next point…
I was a completely different person back then
Back then I didn’t speak my mind, I didn’t feel worthy, I didn’t love myself, I wasn’t aware and conscious of my actions and the way I behaved and the way that I took everything in and played the victim.
For instance, back then I viewed my boss and his wife and even my team as my parents in a way and my only family. My parents left for Chile in 2012 and I was left in charge of our house and paying my own bills and instead of processing that, I just grabbed on to Chick-Fil-A but they didn’t know how I felt to that extend. I was the girl that was calm, cool, collected. I never talked about how I truly felt. And honestly, my feelings go so deep inside that I didn’t even know I felt that way back then.
When my dad passed away, my boss got me a few therapy sessions and that was one of the first times I felt, that I expressed myself. My therapist said I would talk in facts and talk quickly whenever I got emotional and was about to cry. I WOULD STOP MYSELF FROM FEELING.
After leaving Chick-Fil-A I went onto a different path that I never imagined, I didn’t become a completely different person; I just felt comfortable being ME and remembering who I actually am.
I’ve noticed people unfollowing me, unfriending me, etc.
Everyone totally has a right to do that because I have also done the same.
For me, it just felt that most people were doing it when I was going through this major transformation of spiritual, mental, emotional growth and understanding.
The topics and things in my life I was posting were so different and unique from what I was posting before. I was becoming braver and having more confidence in myself and honestly posting my truth and truths that I didn’t know about it in the world.
When I saw them unfollowing me, unfriending me, it hurt at first. It felt like they didn’t like who I was becoming or they felt uncomfortable. I don’t know. But I know that I unfollow people that I don’t align with anymore.
Just because I unfollow them, doesn’t mean I don’t think about them or love them. Their truths just don’t align with me and that’s okay. I guess I am realizing that but it just hurt for a while. And as I am writing this, I am sure there a lot of people I worked with that still truly care about me even though we may not be in our lives anymore.
Again, in a way I saw these people as family and now in my new path I was creating another family. It was like I was letting go of this family I knew and to be honest, it was a bit tough and weird.
Life after Chick-Fil-A
I spent over 7 years of my life at Chick-Fil-A from the age of 19 until I was 27. I worked at two locations in South Florida, one location in Central Florida, and also went around the country opening up several new locations in different states.
I was working here while I was in college and after I graduated, I was there when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and both my parents moved to Chile in 2012, I was working here when my grandma, grandpa and father passed away. Even through breakups and relationships. I was here when I started my learning and passion about nutrition and becoming a Health Coach. I was even working at Chick-Fil-A when I was transitioning to becoming plant based. I mean these are just some things that happened in my life while I was there. It was my second home for a while and it’s where in a sense I felt safe.
I am not going to completely bore you with what I have been up to but my life is different. As much as I enjoyed working there with all these awesome people, I realized that in some way I wasn’t and couldn’t be my true self.
Someone, somewhere, somehow in this business must have said something, that caused me to shut down in a way. They have their standards and expectations and they may not say it but energetically that’s how I felt.
I guess that was a reason I left without knowing it, but I left because I wasn’t aligning anymore with them. They are a great company but I was slowing my pace down, I was eating plant based, I was being mindful of the way I was being; I wanted my life to be more than just work.
As I transitioned into a new job and learning about this whole other world out there and this whole way of thinking, I can’t even explained. Back then I would have said “I am figuring out who I am” but now I am saying “I am remembering who I am”.
I feel so connected to source, I feel so loved and supported and abundant, and I feel so clear. Honestly, the only way people get me is if we are having a one on one conversation. Writing, recording it, posting a photo is just like 5% of who I am and what I am trying to say.
But here’s the thing, even if we met I would still be someone new in the next hour, I’ve had new experiences and I could have easily changed my beliefs right there.
I’m kind of losing my train of thought here.
Here I am writing this letter/post but why? What is this Bigger Picture I was thinking of…
We are all so connected and maybe I am wanting to write this so I get some kind of healing and clarity OR maybe it’s to bring awareness to you.
During my time working at CFA, it was pretty fast pace. Always go, go, go or it was about hitting some goal and making numbers. I get it, it’s part of it and I get it there are some super busy days. I guess I just want to remind you to somehow slow down a bit more. As much as you try your best to take care of your employees, maybe take a step back and see what you are missing. Take a step back and see what opportunity you have with the people around you. Maybe somehow dig a little deeper. As deep as you think you are going, go deeper.
My other suggestion and a suggestion for me as well, is to keep a document or excel sheet with people you’ve hired, the day they were hired, day they left and either a phone number or email and just keep adding, even though you may have thousands of people. I think it would be awesome to kind of have a high school reunion every like 5 or 10 years. Reach out to those that worked in your locations and invite them for a day at the park or something! How cool, special and even more bonded would you feel if you were remembered?
Lastly, since I have been dreaming a lot of CFA, I am just wondering if I am appearing in other people’s dream. Or if other people are having thoughts and dreams of people they’ve worked with or just people in general? Big picture, for me that means something, either to contact that person, to send them some love, or sometimes the feeling you get seeing that person may bring up some stuff for you that you get to work through. (For example, if let’s say Tina shows up in my dream and we have a great friendship, sometimes it could just mean you miss that feeling or you have space for a similar friendship, etc.)
As much as I titled this to my Chick-Fil-A team, people I’ve worked with, it’s really a symbol and representation of myself and just other areas in my life I may have felt this way towards people.
Even though I do not align with the company anymore and I don’t eat there, I just wanted to say even though I was “hurt” for a moment, I really appreciate the time I had with all of you, for the laughs, the cries, the times of stress and the times we got to play around. Ha, I totally thought for a moment that this was going to be a “sad” post but turns out I feel so much love and gratitude for this time in my life.
HAHA, part of me really just wanted to pout and be this little girl. But this is what happens when I walk with awareness and being mindful of my thoughts and actions, I can only be “upset” for like a minute. Now, I start asking myself questions, like “Why do you feel like you need to pout and feel like a little girl?” “What would you like to process?” THIS IS MY LIFE Y’ALL. Constant reflection and growing, I love it.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Thank you for loving me the way I am. Honestly, thank you for those that haven’t reached out, if it isn’t coming from the heart than I rather you not. Thank you for the ones that did unfollow and unfriend me because we may not be resonating anymore; I honor that and you encouraged me to do the same in my life. Thank you so much for the ones interacting with me on social media, I really love commenting and chatting with you about cool topics! And thank you for the ones still in my life and that I get to chat with in real life every once in a while.
I love you all so so so so much! Seriously!
Below are pictures of some amazing moments I’ve had with some awesome, beautiful, wonderful people. I was never truly hurt, I just realized that you fill me up with lots of love and I hope that I did the same for you.
And I also want you to know that I am here for you if you ever need anything. If you feel like reaching out, please do not hesitate. I am here to love, there are no judgments. And if you are reading this and it feels good to reach out, then do it; if you ever cross my mind I will be sure to do the same. 🙂