A break from social media is kind of weird for me.
My friends and family are used to me posting almost daily on Facebook and Instagram. I usually post about my adventures, reminders to be thankful and live a positive life, and post inspirational and honest videos about my life on my stories. I felt like one of my purposes was to share and spread love and light to those around me.
These last couple of months, I have been going through many shifts, especially spiritually. It feels like each week I keep changing, for example, things that keep shifting are my thoughts, feelings and my views. It’s kind of difficult to explain, I just know something in me is changing and is going to continue to change.
But I noticed that being on social media was steering me away from my life purpose. I noticed different emotions start to come up for me. I also realized that I needed to work on the shadow side of me, dive deep and sit in my darkness for a bit.
For instance, feelings of jealousy came up. Yes, I said jealousy. Most people aren’t willing to admit that. I truly want the best for people but I started getting jealous and comparing myself to my friends and to people on social media. I went into a slight depression. I saw people making things happen for themselves and I just felt like I wasn’t doing enough, I wasn’t helping enough people and making a difference.
I was also feeling obligated to post all these awesome things online. People on social media were expecting me to post. I love getting messages from people saying that they appreciate what I say and it makes their day better, it truly warms my heart. But if I didn’t post, I felt like someone would be missing out on some of my love. It was causing me anxiety and stress. Every day I was trying to decide what to post about.
Loneliness was a huge one as well. I do have some amazing people in my life and I am extremely thankful but I was feeling alone. I post all the time and part of it was because I do get attention and create some great conversations. The last couple months it seemed like everyone was getting engaged, married, having children, and I was at home deciding what to post but really I was just having trouble confronting the fact that I was sad and wanted someone to share my experiences with.
Some other things that I noticed was that I was spending so much time on social media, scrolling through profiles and stories, it was distracting me from being fully present, I was wasting time instead of focusing on my gifts.
I wanted to share this experience because I am not perfect. I believe in sharing love and light, but that’s not always the case. There are times when some darkness likes to creep in. I would normally run away or numb the feeling with food or Netflix but I decided to take a break from social media and do a 5 day water fast at the same time. I wanted to sit in these shitty feelings, experience it, and be able to heal myself. It wasn’t easy, Day 4 of my fast I had a huge break down, I cried and let it all out. It kind of felt like I was going through a heartache.
The first few days I kept trying to grab my phone to check social media. I choose to spend more time in nature like the park and the beach. I tried to meditate more than I usually do, sit in silence and see what other thoughts would come to me. I actually had more time to work on my living room and create a space for people to come over.
It’s been 15 days since I have used Instagram and Facebook, truthfully it has been incredible. I am hoping to go a couple of months without it. It’s also been so special getting messages from family and friends showing interest and seeing how I am doing. I know whoever is meant to be in my life will be in it without the need of social media.
I literally had one of my best friends tell me the following:
“I can’t keep up with your life without social media!”
I thought that was pretty cool, that my friends actually follow my life but I prefer it to be on the down low for a little while. Keep people wondering…
So for those that may be wondering what I am doing now that I am off of social media, well here are some things that I occupy my time with….
- Netflix – Okay, so I did not watch it for the first week, which I am really proud of. But I have been watching some more lately. I finished season 1 and 2 of Santa Clarita Diet.
- Reading – I have been trying to read some more. I actually purchased 15 books in the last week…. I still have another 10 that I need to read.
- Nature time – I have been to the beach a few times and I have been going to the park. I love laying under the sun.
- Working out – I started boxing/kickboxing last week and I LOVE IT! It feels so good to be working out again.
- Journaling – I have been writing in my journal almost everyday. I get to express myself and write whatever comes to mind.
- Making friends – YES! I have been making new friendships especially with like-minded individuals. I can be a little weird and out there.
- Accepting myself – I am learning to value my gifts and talents and that I am still making a difference in people lives even though I may not be on social media.
ALSO, I’m doing okay. There’s nothing to complain about because I am alive and breathing but I am still working on myself. I am happy with my life and I appreciate these dark times I get to experience. It’s just another opportunity to keep growing and learning about myself.
What I appreciate the most out of this, is that I am able to honor my body, mind, and soul. I decided to take time to see what was going on with me, and I was able to be honest with people in my life. I let some people in and I let some people go. Life is truly beautiful and magical, if you make it that way.
I love everyone so much. But I am realizing I love myself more and I need to put me FIRST. I will eventually be back on social media but for now I will continue being awesome in real life.
Now, that I am not posting, I am also not taking many pictures. Below are the only pictures I took with my phone. Click the photos for more info! 🙂
I will be posting on my blog because I feel like it’s a space for me to be open and vulnerable about my feelings.
You are awesome and you are loved.
P.S. I would love if you could follow/subcribe to my page! That would make me so happy! 🙂